Why is it so hard to stay on track?
I sit here getting ready for bed…I wonder will tomorrow be any different? Why is it that day after day I still feel so unaccomplished? My mind is so full of mixed emotions. I am nearly 30 with 3 kids, 40 pounds over weight and so below the spiritual level I need to be.
Every night I make my mind up I am going to do better tomorrow. I am going to be more patient with my children, I am going to eat better and I am going to pray and read my bible more than I did the day before. Then tomorrow comes… My oldest begins his usual sassy mouth that always gets on my nerves real quick and I have yelled at him and hurt his feelings and it isn’t even noon yet. UGH! My kids are all still under the age of 10 and they are fairly close together in age. So I feel over whelmed at times with the daily responsibilities of just caring for them. I try to slow down and enjoy them but it seems that too only last for small amount of time. The bible says a double minded man is unstable in all his ways… I try not to be a double minded person but I do feel unstable at times. How is it that some mothers I know are so patient and soft spoken with their children? Why can’t I figure out how to be that way? My children deserve the same patience, love and attention as every other child don’t they? So daily I try to be slow to speak, slow to wrath, and soft spoken to my children….But I have to admit I struggle with it.
Then the cravings for all the unhealthy foods I don’t need begin to sit in. And yep there you go I have ate an entire candy bar I said I wouldn’t and I enjoyed every bite. Until its consumed, then the guilt and disgust sets in. Yea I just ate a candy bar so I am for sure not losing any weight today so I guilt-eat everything in the cabinet I can find. Then I look in the mirror at my ever-so-growing body and feel so ugly and undesirable. I heard a saying once “Fairy God-mother, ipity, bopity, boo me back to that 17 year old smoking hot body I THOUGHT was fat.” Haha so funny but yet so true. And then I see moms with as many kids as I have and 5 to 10 years older than me who look great and I feel even worse. But one thing is for sure I control my own fate when it comes to weight I mean you can’t eat any and everything you want and look like a model. Now if I can get my taste buds to agree with that my hips will appreciate it later on down the road.
My hardest struggle that is the most important is my walk with God. No it is not a struggle to serve Him nor do I wish I could just give up and do anything I want in this life. No, not at all. I have been taught very strongly when it comes to my beliefs. You either live it, or you don’t. There is no in between. So with that being said is seems like I go threw my day when I need to be praying, meditating and taking the time to more thouroughly educate my children about a man named Jesus who died so that we could LIVE. I find myself folding clothes, washing dishes or sweeping floors. Don’t get me wrong a woman needs to do her chores but what good is a clean house gonna do me if one of my children get diagnosed with a deadly cancer or disease? Absolutely none. Then, I am reminded of the scripture that “His mercies a new every morning.” The Lord Himself knew we would struggle within ourselves at times. So with this being my most important aspect in life I have made it my goal to work on this first. I will try to not only read my bible but study it, slowly, and grasp what the writer is trying to say. If the Holy Ghost moved on men of God to write such scriptures we should do much more than just simply read it.
I also am going to try hard to improve my prayer life. I let little things hinder me from praying. I mean really praying crying out to God, for more than a minute or two. I mean really cry out, take time to tell him my thoughts, my fears, and my goals. I honestly feel that if I improve my spiritual life the rest will fall into place. The closer I get to God the better mother I will be to my children. The more I worry about searching the things of God the less likely I will be to set and eat for half an hour at a time.
It think actually setting down to write this article has helped me to see and understand things I haven’t really thought about in depth for a long time. Well better get to bed to see what exciting things tomorrow holds for me and my family!
